Category Archives: Meanderings
The author of these two article is unknown. They have appeared in an early issue of Growing Pains, the Eulenspiegal Society’s Prometheus magazine, and the July, 1980 Growing Pains. A representative of the Society of Janus has attributed ownership to SOJ — https://soj.org/ — but was unable to identify the author. I am republishing them here, reformatted to have the rules appear side by side for comparison, and with what appear to be minor typographical errors corrected. If any one knows the original author, I would love to give them credit here, and as always, if you are the copyright holder and object to this please let me know and I will take it down.
|Ten Rules for Dominants||Ten Rules for Submissives|
Until you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give you bottom time to get to know you and what you like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.
A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Do not expect your top to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.
You may be God’s or Goddess’ gift to the world, but no one needs or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are – and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the “real you” will show through in a scene. Do not set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.
You may be God’s or Goddess’ gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town, but no one needs or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the “real you” will show through in a scene. Do not set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your top can never reach.
Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.
You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very personal art, and an “I already know it all” attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM without this knowledge is like Russian Roulette. Talk about your head-space and you review of SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But -unless it’s an emergency – wait until your top asks. Don’t expect your dominant to be a mind-reader instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.
Don’t be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
There’s a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominate and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of you needs and fantasies, and your bottoms needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of time. But don’t always expect your top to be a puppet in a fantasy play you’ve written in your head. It’s far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you’re never been before. When you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.
End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, no just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don’t try to imitate them to the last detail.
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don’t call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment…Your top’s equipment is expensive – respect it and don’t abuse it.
|8||Be Really Dominant
Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from ads or stereotypes. Your dominance enhances you whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life – it is you. Make your submissive fall in love with you, and expect them to give themselves up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don¹t shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role – now take it!
|Be Really Submissive
This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely. Don’t coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being a top. You have agreedto limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don’t. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.
Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don¹t attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of ³drugs and alcohol don¹t affect me that much…I can do it anyway² violates your submissive¹s trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don¹t want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn¹t be playing the game!
SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants – both active and passive – be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an “I want it all now” attitude when you aren’t able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant and yourself by staying healthy.
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which come from responsible, creative SM play.
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative SM play.
I have only just found this site, but I already love it. I’ll be posting more about her site, and I’ll be updating this site as well, so buckle in and get ready for the roller coaster to start back up!
This is a crossover post, it could have just as easily bee originated here and reblogged to Huggles and snugs. I decided to post it to H&S because the object of my attenion calls me Uncle Wes, she was one of the ones who opened my eyes to the whole Big/little scene.
I walk in the door of the party, and you make a beeline for me, grabbing on and holding me tight, saying how much you have missed me, and how badly you need me tonight. I look down and see you small and sad, beat down by the world of big people. You believe that although you have not failed in any specific task, you have failed to excel, and so have let me down. We hold each other in the doorway for a moment, then into…
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My most recent Big/little blog post, at http://hugglesandsnugs.wordpress.com where I share my desires for all of my little (and Big too, for that matter) friends!
I want for you to be happy. Not just the lack of being sad thing that is often mistaken for being happy. What I want for you is that deep, delirious, infectious, bubbly happiness that overflows and spills out into the lives of those around you.
I want for you to be healthy. Not just “not sick,” but glowing and vibrant with health, healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. I want you ready to seize the day, strong and vibrant, and to know that whatever comes your way you are ready.
I want for you to be fulfilled. To dream big and dream often, and then go out and live those dreams, and to live every day to the fullest.
I want you to know love. The trusting love of a child for their parent, and the deep, abiding love of a parent for a child. The boisterous love of friendship…
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She was his inspiration, his muse, his raison d’être. Most of the people who saw her saw a young woman on the move, an up and coming business woman climbing her way to the peak. While he saw that, he also saw her vulnerability, her softness, and her delicate, delicious femininity. They had meshed almost as soon as they had met, he was on an assignment to cover the new generation of business leaders and she was his subject. During the discussion leading up to the shoot they had talked about her life and passions, and she had demanded that if she was to be an open book that he should as well. After the pictures had been taken and the notes all committed to his recorder, the long afternoon together had extended into the night, the first of a long succession that had so far continued seven years.
He had been kinky since the first time he tied up the neighbor’s daughter while playing “Cowboys and Indians.” She, on the other hand, had thought that an afternoon of making love with the lights on was daring. The first time he had pulled out his camera to capture her hidden charms she had balked, but after a while she had relented, and then blossomed in front of his lens into a photographers dream, limber and sensual, shedding her inhibitions as soon as they were discovered, and discovering a deep peace in submitting herself to his will. They had never really discussed it, but over the first six months it had become clear they complimented each other perfectly, falling into their roles of Dominant and submissive, experimenting, learning and growing together. They had tried many things, but they kept coming back to the rope.
They had learned this together as well. While she was primarily his subject, she had also learned to tie the carefully crafted bindings, and had even tied him, so that he could better understand her experiences. Today was to be a graduation of sorts, a private time for just the two of them. He sat down and took her foot reverently in his hands, and then the look came to his eyes….
And it began.