Is your need to dominate being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your dominance in the way that feels best to you again? What makes dominance special to you?
I am fairly confident that my dominance will never be completely satisfied, because with each new day comes new inspiration! My slave, my family, play partners and friends, my life is a fine place to be if stretching and growing in Mastery is your goal, and I would not want it any other way! I am not sure what could ever happen to make me even consider a life where I could not be who I am, but I do not think I could ever be happy living with no way to express my dominance, and I am damn sure I never want to find out!
My dominance is expressed as Mastery, and Master is not something that I do, it is who and what I am. This way of life is so special to me, my slave and I form a yin and yang which allows us to live fully and express the joy we could find in no other relationship. My apprentices satisfy my need to teach, my littles fulfill my need to nurture, I have a family to lead, and a mentor from whom to learn. Okay, I learn from the whole crowd, but my Mentor/Sister helps me shape the raw data into knowledge. I am not so bold as to say it could never be better, but short of a winning set of lottery numbers removing the fiscal constraints I am not going to try to describe how that better could happen.
To those of you who have been following me on this journey, I thank you for your patience and loyalty, and I welcome your suggestions for what comes next. I have several lists of questions now, I think for the next couple of days I will probably do a digital hat draw until I decide what the next theme will be. In addition, I hope that on my next theme I will have other members of my family posting alongside of me to give a bit of contrast.
- Is inflicting pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your dominance? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your dominance, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Spanking is a cross over area for me. I am an active BDSM enthusiast, as well as the Master of my slave, and the head of my Household. As a BDSM practitioner I frequently inflict pain and humiliation, but only within negotiated boundaries. As the Dominant, I really dislike punishment, and reserve it for deliberate acts, here is how I describe it in my household manual:
CORRECTION AND PUNISHMENT:
We assume that those who wish to be in service to the Holding also wish to perform tasks to the best of their ability. Service in the Holding at Joyous Reach is not a game wherein the member intentionally makes errors to attract attention or to provoke an S&M scene. Therefore, if a family member fails at a task, or mode of behavior or speech, we assume that the failure is due to a lack of understanding or instruction, and they are given additional instruction.
If there is a repeated failure of the same task or mode of behavior the member will be instructed again, and a mild, reinforcing correction, related to the failure, will be enacted. Additional failure will evoke a more severe consequences. If the member can still not perform the task properly, they will be denied the opportunity to provide that particular service either for a specified period of time, or forever.
Punishment is reserved for deliberate disrespect or disobedience, and will not be confused with S&M play; they will be designed to be unpleasant. Punishment may or may not be corporeal in nature, and will be decided by the high lord or his designated representative.
Has your dominance ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your dominance? Have you ever regretted being or feeling dominant in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your dominance going forward from that.
I cannot think of a time when my Dominance let me down. There have been mistakes and missteps, and the occasional royal screw-up, but that has been more me letting my Dominance down than vice versa. I try very hard to live up to my ideals and values, but, being human, I fall short. Sometimes I am a little jealous of those in my service, because they have someone who can grant absolution and forgiveness. Up at the top of the pecking order, forgiveness is not as easy to find. What I do is to look at why I failed, and see what I can do to prevent it from happening again, gird up me loins, and carry on as best I can, trying not to repeat the same mistakes.
Do you have dominant desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
This is another one of those questions that were probably better when asked of the submissive. I do have to admit that sometimes I look at the enormity of what I have undertaken, and it gives me pause, but it isn’t really fear, more of a recognition and acceptance that there are others who depend on me. I can’t think of anything mor exciting that having my wonderful slave and loving family.
What are the qualities you seek in a submissive partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
The first and most important must have for me is honesty. Everything else can be negotiated, this is the one, non-negotiable quality that has to be there. Every other issue is dependent on a partner’s being honest about the issue, so if there is no honesty, for me there can be no relationship. This extends into every facet, from breakfast to BDSM play, honesty is the key that unlocks all that is possible. Honor, Integrity, Loyalty, Trust: Without honesty, none of these can exist.
Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express dominance? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
Hmm, this is one of those questions that, in the original list – 30 days of submission – (note the clever lack of capitalization) were custom designed to let the submissive describe their collar and cuffs, or kneeling, or the special necklace that only The One is allowed to remove, and how it feeds them and nourishes their submission. I bet you all think I am sitting here floundering, typing mindlessly as I frantically search for an equally meaningful token or action for me as a Dominant.
The truth is that my slave’s collar and cuffs are actually my collar and cuffs, and those feet where she kneels. They are Master’s feet. Therefore, those items and rituals feed me as much as they feed her. Additionally, I have several items I treasure that represent my dominance. These include my Master’s cover, presented to me in a public ceremony by my Mentor and Leather sister, my Vest, with my patches and ride pins, and the leather pants that were my first gifted leather. I have family insignia, a gold crown that signifies my role as Elder Brother, the silver and onyx crown pendant that is the mark of the Senior Master of the Holding, and the sword, rod and staff that represent my positions as defender, judge and protector of my household.
We have rituals too, and piggy, when you read this know that I am serious about bringing these back to their former glory; they feed us both and are important. We have a ritual of greeting we use when we come together after a separation. We have a daily affirmation that serves to remind and reinforce our roles within our relationship. We publicly celebrate the accomplishments of our Family. We are a very much a ritual happy bunch here at the Holding!
What are the emotions that most directly let you access dominance? What feelings do they inspire?
Interesting question, as my normal operating mode is very dominant, emotions affect my level of control, and the ways that I express my dominance, but they really tend to hinder more than help me access my dominance.
- Fear in me can be immobilizing, preventing me from acting rationally and dulling my dominance. Being a Sadist, fear in others is a condiment that makes BDSM play more satisfying.
- Anger is much more useful to me than fear. I have learned through necessity and practice to use the energy produced by anger, and to a lesser extent, to harness fear’s fight or flight energy. I mold it into what appears to be a locked down, efficient, task oriented state where I can take the actions necessary to resolve an emergency or other situation that requires that king of emotionless focus.
- Contentment mellows me, in a way it is a reward for serving me well. I become indulgent, it brings out the Daddy side of my dominance.
- Guilt is probably the worst. While I don’t become submissive, my dominance pretty much goes out the window when I’m guilty. The reason it is the worst is because if I don’t get it in control, I start feeling guilty for not exercising dominance; you see, I have a slave and a Leather family that depend on me, and my job is to be the leader, and the crew at my house needs a strong, dominant presence at the helm.
I think this is the hardest question so far. I know it is the one that has taken the most time, inspired the most introspection, and probably taught me the most. I hope it helps you as much as it has me.