Monthly Archives: February 2013

31 Days of Dominance – Day 18

What does trust mean to you in the context of dominance?

Everything.  Trust is what makes this lifestyle possible, and lack of trust is what tears it apart.

My submissive and I must be able to trust each other implicitly and explicitly, with our physical, intellectually, and emotionally. She trusts me to lead us on an honorable path, and I trust her to follow my lead; I trust she is there behind me without looking. She trusts me to live up to or exceed the standards I set for the rest of the family, and we both trust the other to place their welfare ahead of our own. There is no other place in my life outside of combat where I have so completely and unreservedly trusted anyone the way I trust my slave.

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31 Days of Dominance – Day 17

Have you found your dominance has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your dominance relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

At the risk of sounding repetitive, of course it has! It started out as a tiny seed in the early eighties, and has been a unique part of every relationship I have had, kinky or vanilla, personal or professional, ally or adversary, it spans them all. There are differences between men and women, straight and gay, and all of the other permutations of gender and sexuality, and while my dominance is expressed differently in every relationship, there are also strong bands of commonality too. I suppose each is unique on the micro scale, on the macro scale they are much the same.

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31 Days of Dominance – Day 16

Has your dominance evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Of course it has! I started as a young fellow to whom BDSM was the gateway to some kinky, mind blowing, sex! After a while, I discovered that there was more to this than tying a submissive, beating her ass and fucking her. This is the environment that gave birth to my dominance.  It is also the point where after a disastrous break-up I took a detour into Vanilla-Land. Although I was not being kinky, I was still being a dominant. I coached, I mentored, I grew into leadership positions in the military. I had children, perhaps the highest stake D/s relationship we will ever have! I became a shooting sports instructor, a softball and baseball coach, then manager.  My whole life has led me to where I am, and although it has at times been painful, being me is a wonderful place to be!

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31 Days of Dominance – Day 15

Does religion have any bearing on your decision to be a dominant? If not, are you familiar with religious based dominance and do you view it as similar to other types of dominance or dissimilar?

Not really, although the fervor of the occasional “Oh God” screamed into the darkness might make you think otherwise! I am a practicing Pagan priest, and my slave is a Christian, although not an active practitioner. I grew up in a Christian church, so I am familiar with the Judeo-Christian concept of the wife submitting to her husband, the catholic Obsequium religiosum (religious assent or submission), and that of man submitting to the will of god.  I have done some study in comparative religions.  I am aware that Islam is Arabic for submission, and the idea that the lessor should submit to the greater or the divine is a common concept across almost every creed and culture.  While I can understand, and in fact embrace some of these concepts, they do not form the basis of my dominance; they form the only form of submission in my life, my acknowledgment of and submission to the cosmic all.

 

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31 Days of Dominance – Day 14

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your domination? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

Yes and no, sex is a service that my slave provides, and if she is with me, she is available for whatever I desire, sexual or otherwise. We are sexually monogamous, so I suppose that could be considered a limit, but it is a negotiated position we can both accept. At the other extreme, with my nieces and nephew there is no sexual connotation at all. In the rest of the relationships there is sometimes dominant activity with a sexual component, but it is primarily an expression of dominance.

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31 Days of Dominance – Day 13

Do you include financial domination within the definition of your own dominance and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial domination? Do you have an opinion about financial domination in general?

I do not in a general sense, while I do approve major purchases, and occasionally put restrictions on spending, slave terry manages out finances to meet my goals. I am of the philosophy that while a Master should benefit from the labor of those in his or her service, they should not profit excessively from that labor.  I am familiar with the principle, it just isn’t appropriate for my particular philosophy and situation.

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31 Days of Dominance – Day 12

  1. Do you expect or require service as a part of your expectations of your dominance? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

My family’s motto is “All serve, each differing only in the manner,” so I suppose you could say I am pretty serious about service. I do require service as a part of my relationships.  What that service is, and how and why its delivery is peculiar to each relationship.  The service provided by my slave is different from the service I get from a niece or nephew, and different still from the service provided by a junior Master I am mentoring.

There is a requirement, a critical distinction about service rendered to me.  I demand willing, joyful service.  I do not expect everyone to be happy all the time, what I mean is that if your service should be willingly and freely offered and accepted; if it is not deeply fulfilling, and does not bring you joy, then you are doing something wrong.

There is another component of service that is critical to my view of service.  To quote a thought from Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny’s book “Real Service,”

If Master does not want it, it is not service.
It does not matter of Master needs it, if Master does not want it, it is not service.
Even
if Master should want it, or if it something that you really, really want to do,
If Master does not want it, it is not service.
(any mistakes are mine, I can’t figure out who borrowed my copy to get it right)

The key here is that one receiving the service defines what does and does not constitute service. This is true in both directions.  My last employer laid me off several months ago, and I decided to “help” my slave by increasing my efforts around the house. Washing and doing laundry were pretty well tolerated, and were several other things, but when my bouts of insomnia were interfering with her sleeping, and thereby with her work, I decided that I would best serve her by letting her go to bed to sleep while I remained in the living area.

I quickly found out that what I was doing was not service. While she accepted my authority to make that decision, she flatly refused to accept that I was providing her with service, not because of concern for her well-being, but because it was not what she wanted. In other words, while I was perfectly justified in staying or not, or even sleeping in another room if that is what I wanted, it was a lie for me to call it service to her, and dishonesty is one of the few hard limits we have.

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